I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Randomize
