who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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