its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
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