You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
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