I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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