i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
You are a genius and a whore.
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