Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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