called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
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