He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
