My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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