God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
