her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
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