if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
