did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Randomize
