I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
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