are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
