You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Randomize
