Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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