I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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