I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Randomize
