I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
everyone is single if you try hard enough
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
