best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
