I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
