i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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