Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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