I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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