Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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