hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
