so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
