hotel room ftw
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
