dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
