when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
