i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
