His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize