Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
