fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
