There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
