She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
