somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
