Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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