even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
my poor anus
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Randomize
