I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
