Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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