so explain again why im purple
no
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
