elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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