I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Randomize
