dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
