you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
