She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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