So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Randomize
