I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
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