you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize
