It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
